1 month

October 23, 2013

Uy galing one month na tayong MU ulit. Naks naka-isang buwan pa eh no? Yung isang buwan na yun, yung huling araw ng isang buwan.. Iniwan mo ko.

Ay mali. Iniwan mo na naman ako. Ang sabi mo walang iwanan. Sabi mo di mo na kayang mawala ulit ako sayo. Sabi mo mahal na mahal mo ko at di mo na ko papakawalan. Sabi mo di mo na gagawin yung ginawa mo dati. Sabi mo lang pala. Kahit kailan hindi mo pinanindigan mga sinasabi mo. Tanga ko talaga, naniwala pa ko sayo. Umasa tuloy ako. Isa kang napakalaking talkshit, duwag, immature at paasa! Pero kahit anong galit ko sayo, kahit anong mga kagaguhan na ginawa mo sakin mahal pa din kita eh. Di mabago-bago 'to. Sana magka-amnesia na lang ako at hindi na kita maalala ulit. Yung simpleng bagay na kinagalit at kinainis ko, lumaki. Kasalanan ko ba? O kasalanan mo dahil sumuko ka agad? Sana magsisi ka.

This will be the last time. LAST. Last time. No more. Tama na. One is enough. Two is too much. Three is dangerous.

Sana marealize mo yung kagaguhan mo. Sana magbago ka na. At kung magmamahal ka ulit, wag mo sanang gawin yung ginawa mo sakin sa taong yun. Malas siya kung sino man siya. Hanggang landi ka lang. Magsisi ka sana sa mga ginawa mo. Tandaan mo, babalik lahat sayo yung mga ginawa mo.

Minsan naiisip ko, tinake for granted mo lang yata ako eh? Porket alam mong may babalikan ka, kampanteng-kampante ka. Porket alam mong mahal kita, kampante ka na hindi ako yung mang-iiwan. I don't deserve a guy like you. I deserve a better one. And you also don't deserve a girl like me. You deserve someone na gagaguhin ka din tulad ng mga pang-gagago mo.

Sana maging masaya ka. Alam ko naman na masaya ka sa pag-iwan mo. Sana tumino ka na. Sana magpakalalaki ka na. Sana maka-move on na ko ng tuluyan sayo.
I love you John Isaac Gonzaga, and GOODBYE.

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Stick Around

I miss you. Sana miss mo din ako. Alam kong masaya ka kasama barkada mo, syempre iintindihin kita lagi. Ganon naman ako diba. Mahal na mahal kita kahit minsan di ko alam kung tama pa ba yung ginagawa kong katangahan para sayo.

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Scared to Death

One thing I know that is sure, I'm afraid to lose you again. I'm afraid that you will leave me again. Please, don't give up on me. Don't give up on us. Ako kinakaya ko. Kahit mahirap. Kasi mahal kita. Eh diba yung mga bagay na mahirap napapadali pag nandyan yung taong mahal mo, kasi alam mong nandyan yung lakas mo. Kaya kung mawawala ka ngayon, paano na mangyayari? Masasaktan na naman ako ng sobra sorba. Nakakatrauma na. Masyado kitang mahal. Pero sana ganon ka din.

"The less you care, the happier you will be." ???
NO. If you really love the person, you will show to her/him how much you love the person.

MY MOTTO: YOU DON'T GIVE UP ON THINGS AND PEOPLE THAT YOU LOVE, YOU COULD TAKE A BREAK AND YOU COULD WAIT.. BUT YOU DON'T GIVE UP.

I wish nababasa mo 'to para alam mo yung nararamdaman ko at para maipaglaban mo din ako tulad ng ginagawa ko sayo ngayon. I love you. I love you so much it hurts.

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First Lie

Galing mo no? Magsisinungaling ka na lang di mo pa kinuntsaba mga kasama mo. Fail. :-)

Alam mo ba masakit yun? Pakiramdam ko balewala lang ako sayo. Nung una lakas mo sa mga salita eh no kasi nakuha mo ko ulit. Ang laki ko ring tanga eh. Hindi na ko natuto. Sabihin na nating maliit na bagay lang 'to. Pero ilang beses na ba 'yang maliliit na bagay na yan? Hindi ba ang maliit na bagay lumalaki pag nadadagdagan pa ng isa? Lagi na lang ako yung umiintindi at nagtitiis sayo. Sana naman marealize mo yun. Palibasa kasi porket ngumingiti ako at sinasabi kong okay lang ako, akala mo okay na talaga. Wag ka namang manhid! Matuto kang makiramdam.

Sobrang bigat na naman sa pakiramdam. Wala na kong maiyak eh. Naubos na, dati pa. Puro sakit na lang dito.

Ngayon lumalabas sa cellphone ko yung notifications ng tweets mo. Ang cute naman, di mo ko nireplyan. Hehe. Pero minsan talaga eto pumapasok sa isip ko eh,

"Ano ba ko sayo? Ano ba tayo? MU lang naman eh diba? Eh di kung ganon, wala naman tayong karapatan sa isa't isa diba? Pero bakit minsan nagtuturingan tayo na parang tayo?"

May pakialam ka ba sakin? O baka naman landi lang ang hanap mo. Baka totoo yung nadinig ng kaibigan ko na kailangan mong humanap ng bagong girl para may malipasan ka ng oras?

Totoo nga.. yung taong binalikan mo ay hindi na yung taong kilala mo dati. They changed.

TANGINA ANG SAKIT. Pero sabi nila i-let go ko na daw. Hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko kayayanin yung sakit... pero ano nga ba mas masakit? Yung magstay ka sa bagay na nasasaktan ka o i-let go yung bagay na nakakasakit sayo kahit alam mong masasaktan ka din?

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Hmmm...

I hope those are not just words.

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Cutie. :")

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03

3 cuts for I love you.
3 cuts for I hate you.
3 cuts for Fuck this shit.
3 cuts for I am sorry.
3 cuts for Shame on me.
3 cuts for Don't leave me.

Yes, call me crazy/stupid/overacting or whatsoever I won't give a fuck because you're not in my fucking situation, fucker. Bye.

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PMS lang 'to siguro

Mahal mo ba talaga ko? Kasi hindi ko makita yung effort na seryoso ka sakin at yung effort na ayaw mo kong mawala sayo gaya ng sinasabi mo sakin. Hindi naman sa nagpapaniwala ako, nadala na ko. May takot pa din ako. Kaya ang gusto ko marealize mo kung gaano yung sakit na pinadanas mo sa akin dati. Gusto kong bumawi ka. Gusto kong mag-effort ka. Dahil ang nasa isip ko, landi lang ang habol mo. Okay, meron kasi ako kaya siguro ganito.

Sana hindi. Sana seryoso ka nga. Sana mali lahat ng nasa isip ko. Sana totoo yung mga sinasabi mo. Pero sana wag lang puro salita, dagdagan mo naman ng gawa. Sana wag mo nang ulitin yung dati. Sana wag mo na kong saktan. Sana wag ka nang umalis. I WANT YOU TO STAY.

Napansin ko, may nagbago sayo. Hindi ko matukoy dito kung ano pero ramdam ko kung ano yun. Nakakainis. Tinutulugan ako palagi. Syempre isang sorry at I love you isang okay lang ang sasagot ko kahit minsan nakakatampo na nakakainis na. Lagi na lang ganon. Di bale, mahaba pa naman pasensya ko.. wag mo na lang sanang sagarin. Dahil kapag nangyari yun, ewan ko na lang.

Una pa lang, nung umamin ka sa akin. Sinabi ko sa sarili ko na oo ang tanga ko pero hindi ko 'to pagsisisihan dahil ginusto ko naman din 'to di ba? Sana wag nang maulit yung dati. Sana lang. Please.

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MAJA

Pwede naman magselos kahit walang karapatan diba? Basta naramdaman mo yun di mapigilan eh. Nakakainis naman. Pero kahit sinabi niya na crush niya daw ako, tapos ako pa homescreen sa cellphone nya.. kinikilig daw siya sakin. Bakit naiisip ko pa din na baka hindi lang ako yung ginaganyan niya? Yung sweet..

Eto naman si girl syempre sanay na eh kaya marunong ng dumamoves. Wala ng pakipot sa katawan palibhasa MAJA siya eh.. MAJArot.

Argh sorry but I don't mean to offense the girl. Pero naiinis lang ako talaga. Hahaha. Ayun lang. Bye.

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Eto na naman.

Hindi ko yata kayang lokohin o bulagin ang sarili ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit.. pero kahit ayoko ikaw pa din nilalaman ng puso ko. Anong klaseng gayuma ba ang ginamit mo sakin? Ayoko na. Hindi ko kayang lokohin sarili ko na may gusto kong iba, dahil siguro alam talaga ng puso ko na ikaw pa din ang nagmamay-ari nito kahit ikaw hindi na ako ang nagmamay-ari niyan.

Makakasakit na naman ako. Kakayanin ko din naman siguro 'tong itago na lang ulit. Ganon naman eh, nasanay na kong magtago ng kung ano man ang nararamdaman ko.

Iba pa rin siguro talaga na kahit alam mong sa sarili mo na binibiro ka ng isang tao, iba pa din yung biro kahit sumosobra na kapag yung mahal mo yung nagsasabi o gumagawa sayo nun.

Di ko maiwasan na puntahan lagi yung Twitter mo kahit sabihin kong sa sarili ko na "wala naman 'tong pakialam na sa akin eh." Minsan iniisip ko na sana kahit minsan o isang beses nagkamali ako ng iniisip ko no. Asa naman ako.

Terrified

You just don't know how much I miss you.. and how much I love you. Maybe it's because you never knew that I was falling in love with you. It's because I can't say it to you. It's because I'm scared to fall in love again. It's because after all the heartbreaks, jealousy and pain I've been through. I became afraid to trust again.. and love someone again. I'm afraid to say I love you even if I know that you love me too. I'm afraid to tell you that you're that someone. I'm afraid to give my trust to you as a lover even if I know that you won't hurt me. I still have the moments of doubt that you will hurt me because I don't know what's going to happen if I confess my feelings for you. For now, I will just keep it all to myself.

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Best night of my High School life ♥

Dress last night ☺

Best friends! ♥

Guy friends :)

With Deryk! Party timeeeeee! \m/ (lol serious face huh, define haggardness)


Last night was one of the best nights of my high school life! I wasn't expecting that I'm going to have so much fun there because if I know the seniors will own the night but I was wrong. Hahaha! It's so fun and exciting. We didn't care even if we're wearing high heels, we just enjoyed the night by dancing, singing and partying! My first dance was my date, of course. Then the rest followed: Mikko, Kano, Albert, Juan, Dempsy, Shaun, Vince, Alleyn then my last dance was Vince again. =)) I wasn't able to dance with my guy friends because we're running out of time. But I was able to complete the dances. One of the funniest thing in the dances was when my 7th dance was going to ask me to dance with him, then the song turned into a party song and the song was Harlem Shake. Harlem Shake was the best party song for me and my best friends to dance! Hahaha! It was so FUN!

But the highlight of the night for me was the last dance. The song was I'll Be by Edwin Mccain. They say that the person you should dance at the last dance must be or should be the most special guy/girl for you. I consider my last dance special, not a special friend, but, I don't know. It's not a "friend feeling" anymore. The atmosphere was so romantic that time. As the music goes, he tries to sing the chorus part, I find it kinda sweet because you know that that guy who doesn't really sing but who will sing just for you? I wanted to hug you that time but something keeps on stopping me to. And know I'm regretting it. Hayy life. But it's okay, there's still next time. Lol. If I could just turn back the time.. 

BEST NIGHT EVER AND MOST MEMORABLE THING ON MY ENTIRE HIGH SCHOOL LIFE ♥

March 15, 2013

PROM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ♥♥♥♥♥

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A note for you, boy

I'm done with you. I've moved on and I'm happy. :)

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A keychain and a note

"I love you more than yesterday... but less than tomorrow"

Me: Huh? Hindi ko gets?
Him: May secret dyan.
Me: Okay whatever.

Tinignan ko ulit pagkauwi ko.. Pagflip ko ng note, nakalagay sa likod, "I love you everyday.." Yieee, kilig much. =)) Ayun pala yung secret message na sinasabi niya. Sweet ♡

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12:51AM

And maybe that was the biggest mistake of my life 

And maybe I haven't moved on since that night.. 

Cause it's 12:51 

And I thought my feelings were gone 

But I'm lying on my bed, 

Thinking of you again. 

And the moon shines so bright, 

But I gotta dry these tears tonight. 

Cause you're moving on and I'm not that strong to hold on.. 

Any longer. 

Tears will dry.

Sadness will go away.

Pain will never remain.

Feelings will fade.

Memories will be forgotten.

All these things and memories will be put into a jar and will be thrown into my past. Someday I would realize that you're not worth it and you don't deserve my tears. Someday you will realize what you had let go off. 

And you'll going to regret that.

I would learn to forget you. I will forget you. And I'm going to move on.

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Manhid mo, friend.

MASAKIT PA DIN.
Wala ka talagang napapansin no? Sige pagpatuloy mo yan.

Wala ka kasing nasasaktan eh no. Sige lang, friend. :)

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Happy ♥'s Day!

What I got this Valentine's Day ♥♥♥

I thought that this day will be just an ordinary day for me, but then I was wrong. Expect the unexpected they say. I'm super duper ultra mega happy today!! I feel so special and blessed because of them. So let me narrate you what happened yesterday and the day of Valentine's.

Yesterday. February 13, 2013, Wednesday.
So after school I went to the cupcake shop to buy my friends some cupcake for Valentine's Day. Then when I came home, I entered the gate and I saw 3 pairs of a boy's school shoes. And I already had a clue who it was. I was thinking of running to my grandma's house because I'm not used with this kind of surprises, I find it awkward. But then I went inside then I just stayed beside the door because I don't know what to do. Then HE gave me this bouquet of red roses and a big box of Ferrero. I was really surprised, quite happy and irritated at the same time. It was an early Valentine gift.

Today. February 14, 2013, Thursday.
Morning. I was brushing my hair then suddenly my mom went inside saying, "Yung pinsan ni Erika nasa labas inaantay ka!" What a great start of my Valentine's day morning. He got me 7 red roses, a letter and an Infinity ring which came from Karat World. Shocking right?

Classroom. When I got into our classroom, I started sharing what happened yesterday and what happened earlier to my friends because I was so excited I can't help it but to share it. Lol! Then when I got onto my chair, there I saw 3 white roses, a letter and a greeting box. There's another surprise after our lunch break. When I got onto my chair I saw a letter, Ferrero and brownies! And before I read the letter, I knew who he was because his writing was familiar to me. And I was right. For me, his letter was the most sweetest thing because his letter was full of effort!! I was hiding my kilig vibes while I'm reading letter.

Dismissal time. My best friend, Erika told me to wait for something I don't know before I go home. But then I already have an idea what will happen. Hahaha! She pulled me to the gym and then I saw some fourth year boys but HE's nowhere in sight. So we waited for like 10 minutes. Then he came down, holding a bouquet of pink roses. He gave it to me and he also handed out a box of Ferrero and a letter. I was soooo kilig. This is it. ANG HABA NG HAIR KOOOO. Hahaha!

Sorry if this post is too long. I'm just so happy that I just wanted it to share it with you, guys. Valentine's day is a day where some people show appreciation and love for a person. Every girl deserves to feel special this Valentine's Day. ♥ This is just a memorable and unforgettable Valentine's Day, ever. ♥

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Bitter post #2 - Gara naman friend :)

Strike 1: "Alou nakita ko sila magkasama, kasama pa si *toot* nagsimba sila. Walang pansinan na naganap grabe ang awkward. Dumiretso sila sa Friendzoned."
Strike 2: Pag-open ko lang naman ng Facebook picture nila ang nakita ko.
Strike 3: Picture naman nila sa Instagram ang bumulaga sa akin.

SHOOT! TRIPLE KILL.

Ang saya saya. Tara tawa nga muna! Hahahahahahaha!! :) :) :) Gara naman friend? :) Tanong tanong ka pa sa akin kung okay lang ako na ang bago niya eh yung kaibigan mo, tapos sorry sorry pa. Ang gara naman? Kung sa una pa lang alam mong masasaktan ako sa gagawin mo sana di mo na lang tinuloy diba? Ang sakit lang isipin na dati kino-comfort mo pa ko sa kanya tapos ikaw pa nag-aayos sa amin tapos ngayon sa kanila mo naman ginagawa. Siguro dapat ko na lang talagang tanggapin na lahat na talaga nagbago. Pero masakit eh. Masakit nung nakita ko pa yung picture. Masakit na itetext pa ko ng mga kaibigan at mga kakilala ko na, "Alou, may bago na pala si *toot*?" ARAY lang.

Kahit sabihin ko sa sarili ko na hindi siya worth it at kahit ipaalala ko sa sarili ko na ginago ako nun at dapat ko na siyang kalimutan, bumabalik pa din yung sakit eh. Dapat hindi na ako apektado. Dapat hindi na ko nagkakaganito. Dapat hindi na ako umiiyak. Pero bakit ganon? Kahit anong gawin ko naaapektuhan pa din ako at nasasaktan pa din ako.

Pinipilit ko naman na wag nang magtanong tungkol sa nangyayari sayo eh. Pinipilit ko din na hindi ko na basahin yung mga texts mo dati. Pinipilit ko din naman na huwag nang buksan yung profile mo. Pero minsan di ko maiwasan eh. Ang tanga tanga ko naman kasi. Ako din yung nananakit sa sarili ko sa ginagawa ko. Tulungan niyo naman akong makalimot please? Sana magka-amnesia ko at siya lang talaga ang makakalimutan ko.

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Bitter post #1

63 days na ang nakaraan.. Ang bilis mo naman atang magpalit? O dahil hanggang ngayon di pa din ako makalimot at makahanap ng bago? Kinain mo lang lahat ng sinabi mo sa akin dati. Sabi mo, ako lang mahal mo kahit magkahiwalay tayo. Sabi mo tuuparin mo yung promise mo sa akin. Ang tanga ko no? Hanggang ngayon naniniwala pa din ako sa pinagsasasabi mong kalokohan sa akin.

Ngayon nalaman ko, may bago na nga. Kwento nga sa akin lagi daw kayong magkasama. Nagkukulitan, nagtatawanan, naghaharutan.. Parang tayo lang dati yan ah? :) Minsan nga iniisip ko, ano kaya kung yung mga sinasabi mo sa akin dati sa kanya mo naman sinasabi ngayon? Nakakatuwa naman kung ganon. Naging recycle bin ang peg ni girl. :>

Nakakatawa nga eh, may nagsend pa sa akin ng GM ni girl. Kagulat ka teh. Mukhang ang laki ng gusto mo sa kanya ah? Wagas kung makapag-iloveyou sa GM. Ang bilis girl, atat much? Ano ba habol mo dyan? Mukha niya? Hahahaha! Eh gago nga ang pagmumukha na yan eh. Sorry ang bitter ko ba? May pinaghuhugutan lang. :) Hindi naman dahil hanggang ngayon gusto pa din kita kaya nagkakaganto ako, dahil ang totoo ay pinakita mo sa akin na hindi ka nga talaga karapat dapat na iyakan at hindi ka din karapat dapat sa akin.

Gara nga eh, yung iba naghihintay at nagtiyatiyaga sa akin dahil mahal "daw" nila ko. Minsan gusto ko lang naman din na may magpakita sa akin na mali na puro salita lang kayong mga lalaki. Kahit isa magkaroon ng paninindigan. Buti pa sila no? Ikaw, isang hello mo lang bagsak na naman ako sayo. Pero ngayon, promise ko.. Kung babalik ka man, natuto na kong magsabi ng, "GO AWAY PLEASE" nang ikaw naman ulit ang masaktan. :) :) :)

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People not acting like people.

I don't know if the title is connected with what I'm going to blog/say. But anyway, who cares.. This is my blog and I can put everything I want, I created this to let my feelings out.

Faggots, some people are so assuming that they think that they're the ones who are being talked about or pinapatamaan in my tweets. But they're not. *Sigh* Issues. Issues. Issues.

I have so many complaints and thoughts in my mind why people act like faggots and so immature. I mean what happened to them? To us? To us teenagers. Have we lost our minds? Or we're just not well disciplined by our parents? WHAT?

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Mood ruiner, biatch

YOU. ANNOY. ME. THE. MOST.

Hello? Are you lost?? You'll be the one to start teasing/annoying me then you'll ask, "Bakit badtrip ka?" THIS IS BULLSHIT. YOU'RE SO ANNOYING. I'm trying not to get mad at you but you're the one who's making and saying things that made me sooo annoyed. I just want to stop texting you but I can't because I know you put so much time and effort for me even though you know that I don't even like you but there you are... *sigh*

Sorry but fuck you. ♥

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Bipolar?

Bakit ganon? Kahit pilitin mong maging masaya dadating pa din yung oras na bigla mo siyang maaalala tapos malulungkot ka na lang dahil bumabalik yung sakit na pinaramdam niya sayo dati? Masakit pa din eh. Kahit sabihin kong okay na ko, nagbitter bitteran na ko't lahat, masaya na ko, pero parang may kulang pa din eh..

Ang saya no, nagpapanggap ka lang na masaya ka at tinatago mo yung tunay mong nararamdaman at paniwalang paniwala naman yung mga taong nasa paligid mo. Hindi kasi porket nakangiti o tumatawa ka minsan ibig sabihin masaya na eh. Dito ko nalaman na hindi talaga ako kilalang-kilala ng mga kaibigan ko at mga taong nasa paligid ko. 'Di ba kung minsan tumingin ka lang sa mata ng isang tao doon mo malalaman kung masaya ba siya, natatakot ba siya, nagsisinungaling ba siya o nalulungkot ba siya.. Gusto ko lang naman kahit isang tao.. Tumingin sa mata ko at sabihin na magiging okay din ang lahat. :( :( :(

Drama ko ba, sorry na. Wala sigurong makakaintindi sa akin at sa nararamdaman ko..

Stupid.

He's not deserving.
He's not worth it.
He doesn't deserve you...

You deserve someone better.

It's me in the end

TRUE.

I may have said something bad to you or maybe something that hurt you. But I will always have this feeling of guilt after and it won't bother me and I will just say sorry to you and you'll say it's okay, then we're okay, then after that, the reason of all these bad emotions will happen again, then I will regret saying sorry and get mad to you again.. Then it would just end up hurting myself. Cool huh?